February 2010
36 posts
dadaoist asked: Tore your ACL holding your child? Jezus pleazus, man! You seem to live at the nexus of improbable misfortune!
I hurt bad
I twisted my knee and probably tore my ACL while holding my newborn. So I had to hold the position, doing more damage, to save my boy.
Then I find out my aunt just suddenly fell down dead for apparently no fucking reason.
I’m going to be in the bathroom chewing Vicodin and SMOKING A BIG MOTHERFUCKING JOINT.
Judge me if you like, but remember my tongue is wicked sharp and my motor...
January 2010
122 posts
I Should Have Titled That Last Post
Motherfuckin’ Gene Krupa, Yo!
Course Of Empire - Infested (Darwin Goodman mix)...
I forgot to add...
That your 10 hours of battery playing video on the iPad would drop to about 1 hour playing Flash at full resolution. Or 45 minutes, depending on the keyframe rate.
CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP.
Apple Will Never Support Flash
Listening to everyone talk about Flash on the iPad/iPhone/iPod has made one thing very clear to me. Nobody knows what they are talking about. Flash is horrible. It’s the most horrible thing to ever happen to computers and computing. It breaks the web. It destroys what the web was initially designed for; Easily accessible information.
But that’s not why Apple doesn’t support it....
I never thought J.D. Salinger was great
I liked his stories, but what made me want to become a writer is how people go ape-shit bonkers about how he shunned public life. Yeah, I didn’t really care to become good at writing so much as cultivating people’s perception of me by holding myself back. I’m shy, RIGHT?! I DON’T NEED EXTERNAL VALIDATION, RIGHT?
Right.
I JUST STARRED ALL OF LUCKYSHIRT'S TWEETS
I hope that’s a new meme.
Later today...
I will auto-follow everyone who attended the SFTU, just in case they didn’t get a chance to DM me for sexual favors.
monkeyfrog asked: So yeah, you don't follow me on Twitter. Which is okay, but it made me laugh. I actually needed the laugh today, though, so I guess I should be saying thank you.
brokenlinksucka-deactivated2010 asked: Are you bitching about followers? Because I will totally bitch slap you if you keep it up. It's better people follow you for being you, fuck the rest. ;)
Btw, don't you love how you have weed in your teeth in all the Sat night photos? I saw them and was like Oh that's hilarious.
Btw, don't you love how you have weed in your teeth in all the Sat night photos? I saw them and was like Oh that's hilarious.
It's Interesting Who Follows Me
But it’s more interesting when I attend a tweet up to find that most of the people DON’T follow me. I guess they saw me once on Favrd a long time ago, but otherwise I’m just another douche bag on the internets. Sigh.
It’s my angry tweets, isn’t it? I should only make jokes like @badbanana and never @ reply anyone, ever. Yup. Seems like a winning strategy.
I hope I...
Unpossible
Feeling overwhelming nausea with terribly strong hunger pains should not ever happen together. It’s not right. It should be unpossible. Somebody kill me.
After a Starbucks customer orders his drink in...
Guy waiting for drink, to his friend: [In horrible Japanese accent] "I WUD WAN WUN CARFEE!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
His friend: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Me: How many languages do you speak?
Him: Haha what?
Me: How many languages do you speak?
Him: English. Why?
Me: [to the friend] ...and you?
The friend: English.
Me: I just asked you both for a number, and you both answered: "English". So apparently you speak zero languages, while the guy you're laughing at speaks at least two.
(And then I walked out.)
(I might be in a bad mood today.)
BEST IQ SMACK-DOWN EVER.
Fuck this, I'm going to sleep.
I need that on a t-shirt in reverse print so I can read it every time I walk past the mirror on my way to the bathroom.
Porto_Rock
is awesome. If he has a problem with you, it is you that has the problem and you should listen. That you can upset him, I think, is a small sign that he cares enough to try and educate people on how to not be a douche bag.
If there was ever a time I was being a jerk, I’d want Porto_Rock to pull me aside instead of someone else.
I have returned home
The San Francisco Tweet Up was INSANE. I met so many funny people. I hope my desire to have sex with all of them wasn’t too obvious. I wish all of you were there. I know some of you were in spirit, and I know that there will be other Tweet Ups in the future. It’s not over. This isn’t the end of Twitter and meeting people in person. I just can’t wait to meet the people I...
Time for my regular 4:20pm burrito.
Pork in green sauce, black beans, Monterrey Jack cheese, hot sauce. Mmmmm… Mexican sandwich.
Chris Cornell does Michael Jackson’s Billie...
I want to hang out with out-of-town people
I just don’t want to leave my comfortable house to go to places I avoid in the city because of all the tourists.
